“Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? “
This past week felt like almost a total loss. I barely got anything accomplished. For some reason, early this week all of my motivation was gone. I didn’t want to do anything accept eat(a lot), sleep (a lot) and pray.
It wasn’t good for my mental, physical, emotional or spiritual health. Not getting things done negatively affects my mood. And not being purposeful with my time and decisions, this week drove me deeper into this stump.
I believe I was instructed to stop teaching, but when I asked God, “What do you want me to do?” I always felt writing is what I’m supposed to be doing in this season. But this presents me with a couple issues:
- Write what? I write poems/spoken-word, lyrics, stage-plays, screenplays, articles, presentations and I’ve been flirting with the notion of writing a book. So, with that being understood, there must be some focus and direction here, right? I kinda need to know what I’m writing. Or do I need to just write for a few hours a day and see where He takes me?
- Though, I’ve saved up some money, I need to be replenishing what I spend at least at the same rate of my expenditure. When I looked at my income recently, I was quite shocked at what I counted. God has been continually blessing me, it’s only been a couple months but I’ve been receiving enough funds to pay my necessary bills and I haven’t had to tap into my savings at all (This alone is more than enough reason for a praise break!). I’ve received random checks and people always find something they want to pay me to do like marketing, designing, speaking, trainings, singing, acting etc (and I’m happy to do it and give it my all from a genuine place). I have been helping businesses market their products and services, and implement best practices within their infrastructure. Often, business owners are too overwhelmed to do their own marketing and an outside perspective can help them to reach their internal goals. With all that beautiful stuff I just noted, I’ve been experiencing anxiety surrounding not having a “job”. I’m sure this has contributed to my recent stand still. This reminds me of the Hebrews wondering through the wilderness. God was providing them with manna from heaven. He told them not to take more than they needed, that He’d provide them manna in the morning and quail in the eve. Though they saw He was making provisions for them, they were still afraid to go hungry. Check the 16th chapter of Exodus. My plan was to spend my time helping my mother grow her business, developing my own personal wealth (my intellectual property and business) and doing whatever it is the Lord leads me to.
I know the things I want to accomplish are great, but I know it has to be tackled bit by bit. I must prioritize, focus and commit. But more than that, I know I must change my thoughts, to the thoughts God has towards me. A daily dose of reading and meditation is in order.
Me, recently at my grandfather’s funeral in Chulahoma, MS.
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”
– Phil 4:8-9
I just want to be sure I’m in God’s Will for this set time in my life. I know how important it is and what happens when I’m not led by the Spirit. I know I can end up in the middle of nowhere. I also know, I won’t be happier doing anything other than what I was created to do.
Cultivating a habit of writing everyday is slick intimidating. Though I enjoy writing, I’ve yet to see myself be consistent in any area of my life, even when I know the benefits. Pray for me and I’ll do the same for you.