Our Interactions and What They Reveal

Recently I had an argument with a friend, someone I connect with on the basis that we share similar interest. As we were having the argument, and I was trying to explain my point of view and what I meant by actions rather than what was perceived, I was reminded of some things.

How painful it is to be misunderstood. Growing up I was often misunderstood and I hated it! I was naturally empathetic and didn’t understand that because I am, doesn’t mean everyone else is.

I’m reminded of a much older gentlemen who found me on Facebook a few years back. He liked the humanitarian in me and we began to connect on our mutual love of community involvement and wisdom. We’d converse on these topics and everything was cool, but when he’d mention making me his “heir” or that he was the most high god, we’d argue. I’d tell him his words were blasphemous and he’d get heated and we’d end up hanging up on one another. I’d block him, and it would be months before we’d speak again. I never intend to completely dismiss a person; I’m not 100% sure why that is or what combination of things contributes to it (that would be an interesting exploration). He was a wise man in ways. He was alone and deteriorating, by his own admission. I suppose I never really considered his mortality. I saw a man who used to be a pastor. A man who said his family had ostracized him because of his views. I saw a person, who loved ppl, who was needy in ways, who was arrogant in ways, misguided, and like everyone else needed a friend. I could at least do that. But when we argued, I never thought about love or how Jesus would respond. Never thought about the easy friendships I have with others who don’t share my same spiritual views. I just thought about how wrong he was, how I felt he snuck his views on me. It wasn’t a basis of our friendship. It never occurred to me that maybe he wasn’t extremely forthcoming because he was afraid I’d ostracize him as well.  It never occurred to me that I could’ve been and should’ve been better to him until I went online recently and noticed he had died. And now I think of all the possible conversations we could’ve had. How I could’ve responded instead of how I did. How I could’ve been more compassionate, instead I was judgemental.

When you delve into the actions and decisions you make and you find what they mean, how they affect others; how they translate to others on a surface level, it can be discouraging. But when you dig deeper and you think about what those decisions reflect about you, inwardly, that can be even more damning. Once you start to pick apart yourself, your beliefs, thoughts, actions; what they mean; how and why they came about; it can be discouraging or disappointing. As someone who strives to be sincere, strives to be accepting, understanding and loving I realize there were are times I missed the mark. And either you hit it or you don’t. There aren’t any in betweens.

Sometimes you look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see. But it’s important that you keep looking until you love it. Yes, as humans we are forever works in progress, forever learning. Some lessons are more expensive than others. I hate learning at the expense of others. Once I recognize it, I try not to pay for it again.

Though we know stretching can be painful, it’s necessary for growth. Situations, relationships and experiences we find ourselves in are often a representation of ourselves. Something we need to learn. Something that needs to be revealed. A prompting for rising. Let’s get to the root.

Happy Journeying!


Beautiful. SINGLE. Woman.



I have some pretty awesome women in my family and many of them aren’t married. And since many young girls are groomed to desire marriage and family, I’ve feared having the same fate. Being alone. Its funny, cause as I look at the beautiful unmarried women in my family, they are anything but alone. But often, women are made to feel alone, or lacking if they aren’t married and don’t have children.

But any awesome woman, who is unmarried is in many ways exercising choice. Their are plenty of options for them I’m sure, but many women would rather be alone then be with a man who doesn’t meet at least their minimum standards. And it seems the men who don’t meet these standards are abundant.

Among other things, the fact that women outnumber men has caused a great shift in dating. Either men are oblivious or they have just become accustomed to being a rare “hot” commodity, if you will. There are many women, who fear being alone. Many women who don’t feel whole or complete without the accompaniment of a man. Many women hoping to validate their worth or complete their “perfect” picture through a relationship. Some times it seems the popular suggestion is that a women isn’t a women if she doesn’t have a man and a family.

I’m sure their are really good men out there. Men who know how to treat and love a woman. Men who will selflessly care for a woman. Men who respect and value women. However, there are so many men who either have abandoned this notion, or maybe have never been taught how in the first place. Maybe its a combination of their past hurts and their dealings with women who are so desperate for love, that they teach them to devalue women. Maybe there is just as much euphoria that comes with being chased by a woman as their is when finally catching up with the man of your delusional dreams. Either way, somehow the tables have drastically turned and it can be scary.

I’ve been single since college, and that has been 7 years. Since then there have only been two men, really 1 that I would’ve heavily considered. One of those men, I later found is next to worthless, being that he is now engaged yet be trying to hit my phone like he crazy. The thought of being the fiance’ to a man who will attempt to connect with other women is sort of unsettling.

I’d rather be alone, than to be with a man the belongs to plenty of other women. I’d rather be alone than to be with a man that doesn’t value me, or that doesn’t know how to value me. Somethings are teachable, but some things are completely self-explanatory. I’d rather be alone than to be with a man who doesn’t respect me. I’d rather be alone than be with a man who doesn’t love me selflessly. I will selflessly love, respect and value him all the same.







Personal Growth Journal 1: 90 day challenge check in


The first week of the year has been, progressive. I can see my growth and that feels great. I can identify where I need to make improvements and I know that I’m more than capable of making those improvements. I’ve decided the first 90 days I will not eat any deliberate sugar and I’ll write 15 minutes each day.

The first two days I did eat sugar, but I’m happy to say since then the only sugar I’ve consumed has come from fruit or coffee creamer. I’m progressively getting better with this no sugar thing. That is amazingly encouraging. Moving forward, I’m not going to drink anymore coffee with creamer. Yesterday I had two expresso shots from Starbucks straight. So if I decide to consume caffeine, I’ll have to find ways to do it without added sugar. Cakes and other obvious sweets haven’t been as hard as I thought. I’m a sweets fanatic so I’m a little surprised at how easy it has been. Out of sight, out of mind. I avoid places where I may be tempted to purchase or eat these things. I even have turned down FREE cake! To be fair, it was king cake and I’m not a big fan. But I did turn down Krispy Kreme Donuts and I do like those. I haven’t had a soda in 9 days! I have been drinking water with no calorie sweetener. After a while, I’ll stop using it as well. I’ve already started. I’m so excited! Progress gives momentum.

Writing for 15 minutes a day hasn’t been as successful. One day last week I let 3 days pile up and ended up writing over an hour. I’m not complaining, cause it was an amazing writing session and I didn’t want to stop but I had to go to sleep. That was an amazing feeling though. This week I actually let 5 days go. I may implement writing muliple times a day. If I’m in a waiting room, instead of looking on facebook, I can get 10 minutes of writing in. I tried that this week at a restaurent. It worked well. I enjoy writing, for some reason it feels great. 

Recently I signed up for a lot of ventures. All things I want for one reason or another. yesterday, as my head felt like it was about to explode, I decided to shift my focus. I decided instead of feeling overwhelmed, instead of thinking about how I feel and why I can’t do something, I’ll think about the many wonderful reasons why I should. Instead of saying, “I got too much going on”, I’ll say, “I have to generate and maintain better focus.” Stop blaming my lack of handling task well on the task on my action.

Let me geek out for a second, self-reflection, gaining revealation, insight and growth is exciting. It makes me happy! I just started a class that goes through John Maxwell’s “Today Matters” and discusses different points in the book. I’m GEEKED UP!

Anyway, have a great day! Love you, always.

Amazing Love: the Kind That Makes Time Still

Click for audio version.


Love, one of the essential parts of life. Most everyone needs to love and to be loved. I’ve wanted to love and be loved ever since I could remember. I’m sure it can’t be normal for little girls to dream of getting married, right? I’ve always wanted to be married and thought it would have occurred by now. Life, has a way of showing us something completely different from what we want or expect.

Love for me has been elusive. Always right beyond my grasp. I want the spark. I want the fire. I want the best friend. The one I can be exactly who I am around. No judgement, all acceptance. Someone who can tell me their deepest and innermost thoughts unafraid, because they know I’ll love them regardless. We can joke about dirty underwear and be weird and awkward.

They say the mutual spark thing only occurs rarely. That mostly one feels much more intensely than the other. This has probably been the case for me a few times. It’s so weird to me, because I don’t understand how one person can feel so strongly a connection that’s merely one-sided. And if what I’ve read is true, then what is the likelihood that I’ll meet someone at the right time, and they’ll feel exactly the same as I do? Someone who is just as excited to be with me as I am to be with them.

This raises so many questions. I’d love to develop a friendship and mutual respect first. And I realize that most of my choices in love were caused by things deep within, things that needed to be dealt with. And that even being aware that these things exist isn’t enough to change a course of action.

But this thing we call chemistry, this chemical reaction one has to another, what is it? In my case it isn’t just a physical thing. There are many factors that are more than physical that cause a biological reaction to occur within me. Intelligence, ambition, drive and compassion tend to be among the list of prerequisites. How is a person physically attracted to things that can’t be seen?

The last time my heart was shattered, it took roughly 3-5 years to overcome it. I spend much time in retrospect, which I’m sure prolongs the process. I hope, I’m able to bounce back faster this time. And even more-so than that, I hope I can learn how to allow God to be the center of my next and hopefully final relationship.




New Habits- 90 Day Challenge

90-day-1.png www.instagram.com/sheraphillips

Last year was pretty fulfilling in many ways. I saw many of my goals be met and exceeded. I learned and experienced a lot. While each day I generally have the same goal (jn addition to my other goals), to be better than I was the day before. While I still will spend time in prayer seeking what my goals should be for this year, I do have something specific that I want to accomplish.

Remember ye not the former things,
neither consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing;
now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?
I will even make a way in the wilderness,
and rivers in the desert.    – Isaiah 43:18-19

Where people are in life has a great deal to do with their decisions. Many of our decisions are made unconsciously through habit and underlying beliefs. With that being understood, there are some habits I have that I want to crucify and I plan to focus on eliminating bad habits and cultivating new, fruitful habits.

I was inspired by watching a video on Facebook. A young asian girl recorded herself learning to dance over 100 days. I went on to watch a few more of the same type of videos, people learning a new habit or skill over the course of 100 days.

I’m going to make two commitments over the course of 90 days and I will chart the experience through writing, video journaling. I’ll call it the 90 day challenge.

Two habits and 90 days will allow me to pick up 8 new habits this year and still have 5 days off.

Starting on January 2, 2018 I will not consume any sugar and I’ll write everyday for 15 minutes. I’ve been striving for these two habits for a long time. I’m ready to start.

No sugar for more specifically means:

  1. No soda
  2. No cakes, pies or ice-cream

This excludes any fruit and I’ll start using some types of artificial flavor, but eventually none of that either.

Writing everyday will hopefully occur in the morning, but experience has taught me that sometimes that doesn’t happen. I like writing all times of the day and night. I can’t wait to make writing an everyday habit without any exceptions.

90 days, NO DAYS OFF! Let’s get it! I welcome you to join me and if you care to share, I’m interested to hear/read what habits you’d like to cultivate.

To my loves, I hope you enjoyed your family time/time off and that this year you’ll see new heights in your professional, personal, financial and spiritual relationship with God.

I’d love to hear from you!