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Love, one of the essential parts of life. Most everyone needs to love and to be loved. I’ve wanted to love and be loved ever since I could remember. I’m sure it can’t be normal for little girls to dream of getting married, right? I’ve always wanted to be married and thought it would have occurred by now. Life, has a way of showing us something completely different from what we want or expect.
Love for me has been elusive. Always right beyond my grasp. I want the spark. I want the fire. I want the best friend. The one I can be exactly who I am around. No judgement, all acceptance. Someone who can tell me their deepest and innermost thoughts unafraid, because they know I’ll love them regardless. We can joke about dirty underwear and be weird and awkward.
They say the mutual spark thing only occurs rarely. That mostly one feels much more intensely than the other. This has probably been the case for me a few times. It’s so weird to me, because I don’t understand how one person can feel so strongly a connection that’s merely one-sided. And if what I’ve read is true, then what is the likelihood that I’ll meet someone at the right time, and they’ll feel exactly the same as I do? Someone who is just as excited to be with me as I am to be with them.
This raises so many questions. I’d love to develop a friendship and mutual respect first. And I realize that most of my choices in love were caused by things deep within, things that needed to be dealt with. And that even being aware that these things exist isn’t enough to change a course of action.
But this thing we call chemistry, this chemical reaction one has to another, what is it? In my case it isn’t just a physical thing. There are many factors that are more than physical that cause a biological reaction to occur within me. Intelligence, ambition, drive and compassion tend to be among the list of prerequisites. How is a person physically attracted to things that can’t be seen?
The last time my heart was shattered, it took roughly 3-5 years to overcome it. I spend much time in retrospect, which I’m sure prolongs the process. I hope, I’m able to bounce back faster this time. And even more-so than that, I hope I can learn how to allow God to be the center of my next and hopefully final relationship.