I’d sometimes find myself in relationships with men that would have me tongue-tied. I’d get so excited and overwhelmed that my ability to articulate myself would sometimes lie down and take a nap. I’d think my experience on stage and camera would make me exempt from this foolishness, but somehow, it didn’t.
I’d be inside myself, and outside myself all at the same time. There were times that I had to write my feelings down to read or remember them. I think in different instances the fear of saying something that would make me look dumb or something that would disappoint him contributed to this lack of finesse.
I’m extremely goofy. People often ask if I was born blonde. I enjoy having fun, laughing and being silly. I actually am a big kid in many ways.
In these types of relationships I don’t really feel the sentiments are equally distributed. It’s so funny how my male friends, the ones I can be myself around, all have a fondness for me that these others don’t seem to share. The more I travel down this alley of thought, I realize I do enjoy my male friendships and I wonder what the problem was with the men I dated. But, like most things, it was probably a combination and not one specific thing.
Do I think butterflies are necessary for a successful, sustainable relationship? No. I do think respect and admiration is. Physical attraction, I think in some instances can grow overtime. And overtime, is this something that is drastically important anyway? Appearance changes. Interests change. Sometimes character does as well. The thought of that is sort of scary.
Sometimes, you immensely enjoy the presence of someone and you never want that to end.
Singleness, it has it’s challenges. It has its perks, so I’m told. Take moments to appreciate the stage you’re in currently. Appreciate the beautiful things about yourself. Love on yourself, the way you’d want someone else to. I’m always trying to figure things out, including myself. I know that will take forever, and a few days. Strive to be the best person you can be.
I’m notorious for wishing I was further along. Rushing. I guess I think if I hurry, I’ll have more time. I finished college early and sometimes I think I might’ve elected to get a GED if I’d known it would’ve knocked two years off of high school. What I’m saying is, it’s hard to stop and smell the roses if you’re focused on where you think you should be, rather than where you are. The biggest and best part of the journey is the process. If we woke up and magically all of our dreams and ambitions were upon us, with out the process would we appreciate them? Would we be mature enough to handle them?
During this present stage I have to learn and seek ways to appreciate, enjoy and gain as much as I possibly can, for when it is time to move, I want no regrets.