(1/31/24) 8:15pm New Orleans, La
Emotions really been running high lately. There’s just been so much on my mind. And heart. I’m crying every other second it seems some days. I feel tender and sensitive as hell. I feel like I don’t know what to do with it at times. I mean I know what to do. Relax. Let it be. It’s ok. I’m ok. This too shall pass. I guess. But my emotions have been everywhere I guess because of the things I’ve been thinking about. I been thinking about my trauma. I don’t know why all of a sudden in this moment all this seems so, different. I’m kinda always thinking about my trauma in some way. Thinking about how things affect me. Thinking about where I am and why I am. What I am and why i am. I consider some really interesting thoughts, ideas and perspectives. I’ve kinda been unafraid to do so, in a way. Well i guess I have been afraid. I’ve been afraid and courageous and brave all at the same time. I guess if i been that way before i could be that way again. I guess i can be that way when and until i need to. Why is fear good? Fear keeps us or is supposed to keep us from dying. Weird how it seems i sometimes associate bad feelings with death. I wonder if that’s because I don’t know what death feels like. Being grounded in reality is something that’s really important to me these days. Knowing what’s real and what’s not, as much as i can. Seeing clearly is a passion of mine. Or is important to me at least. I care a lot about seeing things clearly. Realizing there are things that impede my ability to do so is mind blowing. At first. Realizing the things that have kept me from seeing clearly in the past has been and is a journey. I feel good even though there has been a lot of emotional labor that has taken place. I’ve come a long way. I can’t act like there ain’t some truths it felt like hell to see, like death actually. The beautiful thing about death is the rebirth. I continue to die and be reborn. That part feels good. The phoenix. Rise like the phoenix. I wonder if i could put a phoenix somewhere. It resonates with my soul.
The Journey 